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How to Complete the Past: Part II
(c) by Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)"

The first step in being able to attract and create your ideal relationship is to clear the way for it by dropping baggage from your past. Baggage here refers to resentments, hurts and fears towards anyone who was either a role model or participated directly in a relationship with you. Some people carry their hurts, resentments and fear as badges of honor. Others learn from them as if they were undisputable lessons life was trying to teach.

They are neither. They are byproducts of unfortunate situations and your baggage. The sooner you can truly let go of this baggage, the less likely you are to recreate bad situations.

Dropping such baggage is what will be termed completion.

How do you get complete? Completion is not a sense or an emotion or even a state of being, but a destination, a place to get to. This means there are steps and practical actions that will get you to completion. What stands between you and having a great relationship is taking these steps and actions.

At the most basic level, completion is an exercise in communication. Imagine that you could finally say everything you needed to say to everyone you needed to say it to, no holds barred. Wouldn't that give you a great sense of relief and freedom? In essence, getting complete is getting to communicate everything to everyone, without spending your life looking for everyone from your past or having to deal with less than receptive people.

When you are complete with a situation and are facing a similar situation, you will be free to choose your actions rather than being run by fear, pain, anger, etc. You may flash back to the old situation, but you will not react based on it. You will no longer have anything but a minute negative emotional response in looking back on hurtful situations. For the majority of the time, you will feel genuine forgiveness toward others and yourself.

The first thing you need to do to get complete is to feel all of your feelings, no matter how unpleasant they may be. How do you feel about your past relationships? Have you swept your feelings under the rug? Are you still secretly pining for someone? What are you afraid of in regards to relationships? Who are you still angry with?

In order to allow yourself to feel, you have to know that feelings, unless they are of the clinical depression or the criminal rage kind, will not kill or hurt you. Most people have either not had the permission or never slowed down enough to feel their feelings. You must give yourself both the time and the permission, if any completion is to take place. As long as you don't let yourself feel, you will recreate exactly what you had in the past. If you want something different, a fulfilling relationship, you can't afford to recreate the past.

Right now, checking in with your feelings, make a list of all people and situations you need to complete. We will come back to this list.

The second thing you need to do to get complete is get into action.  Cleck here for a list of ten action steps.

Weekly Coaching Challenge

Ok, did you make the list of people and situations you need to complete? Make that list now, right off the top of your head, on a piece of paper right next to you. Want to get ahead of schedule and start the completion action steps now? If the first person on your list was standing next to you right now, what would you say to him or her? Say it, outloud, or better yet, write it down. How do you feel? Write to Coach@WhatItTakes.com with what you learn and experience as a result of this coaching challenge.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

1. Even Now - Barry Manilow
2. One Last Cry - Brian McKnight
3. Ex-Factor - Lauryn Hill
4. Ex-Girlfriend - No Doubt
5. Don't Speak - No Doubt
6. You Were Mine - Dixie Chicks
7. Let Me Let Go - Faith Hill
8. Still - Brian McKnight
9. I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
10. I Would've Loved You Anyway - Trisha Yearwood

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