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Open Your Eyes

OPEN YOUR EYES

Posted by Scott at 2:26 pm

I have a story to tell. Hopefully there will be one or two of you patient enough to read it. I met a girl named Jenny 2 1/2 years ago. At that time I was very cold hearted and didn't know the reason. We connected. I am going to make this as short as possible. She did EVERYTHING she could to make me feel comfortable in my hard times. EVERYTHING. There was a time I had no place to live and she gave me a week's pay, her hard earned money. If I ever had a problem, if I was ever upset, I could count on her. We were on and off again for that entire two years. She is the most significant person I have ever had in my life. She would look at me and see the great person in me, she would see the man. She would see the love I was capable of giving, even though I showed her NONE. I have never met a woman who had such blind faith in me. She would call me, love me and nurture me in such a powerful way I will never forget it. Pay attention all, this is important.

THE THINGS I DID TO HER WERE HORRIBLE. Absolutely horrible. A year into us knowing each other, I took her to my sisters wedding. She was really looking forward to it. I stuck my tongue down some girls throat a foot from her face, in front of this entire wedding party. No apologies, "Oh baby I'm sorry I was ripped".

One time, in joking, I spit on her from a fourth floor balcony. What does that gesture say? What the hell was I thinking? And through it all, she stayed. I have been in relationship after relationship since I was 16, never had a break, and I have been single for 10 days. The clarity, the knowledge from being alone, it's just started and it's so wonderful. I picture things from other people's eyes now, and I am learning so much. She looked so beautiful that day. I imagine her getting ready, preparing, excited. All she wanted was ONE MOMENT, just a second, for me to open my f****ng eyes and tell her how lovely she was. Instead I just found a way to degrade her again. Jenny cut her wrists two days later. She called me bleeding from her bathroom, and I told her to clean it up and hung up the phone. I left a woman alone, bleeding in her bathroom, my God. A woman who loved me with every beat of her heart. I see these things now, all the things I've done to all the women in my life, and the images are brutal and clarifying. It took this girl finally ending up with another man and telling me to take a hike to finally open my eyes. Jenny told me once, "You never give yourself time to hurt, its one woman after another" God, she was right, and this journey is so painful and so wonderful. Woman always saw something in me that I couldn't see, and I see this guy waiting at the end of this road I'm walking on, and he wants love, and peace and the knowledge of just how precious the human heart is. This board has provided me with great strength in dealing with how much I miss my Jenny, my love, my soul. I can't be with her or anyone, for a long time. This road, its lonely, its dark and its scary as hell. But the light at the end, man, its just blinding.

People, NOTHING IS TRIVIAL!! All those small gestures, all the kisses, all that love. Embrace it! And if you are horrible to your partner, learn why! Don't be afraid of pain, embrace pain and make it your friend. Don't become what I allowed myself to become. Feel and cry and do what you have to do to KNOW YOU. Everyone is special, every heart is special, and if you love someone, god, kiss them and tell them and take it everyday with you, throughout the day, and don't ever forget it.

~Scott

(Thank you, Scott, for sharing this wonderful post!) ~eDumped.com

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