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A Great Post from Our Community

* ANGRY AND BITTER * by :'On My Own Again'

" My ex gave me no reason, just refused to talk to me one day, and called the next and said he was feeling pressured and ended the relationship. POOF ! HE WAS GONE ! His daughter told my daughter he has a girlfriend. I understand when you wonder how he could have moved on so quickly. I wonder the same thing. How could he touch someone else, wake up with someone new, make love with them, and be in a new relationship???? I can't even talk to a new guy on the phone without having to end the conversation because I start missing my ex so much!! My ex planned it perfectly well. I feel so used and replaceable. BUT as you know, your ex's actions indicate someone who is very messed up, and emotionally dishonest. If you think that his problems will go away with the new girl, they won't. If he could hurt you the way he did, he will hurt her as well.

And sometime, he will have to grieve the ending of your relationship. Maybe not now, in the high that a new relationship brings, (it's like a drug for him, and most likely he's an infatuation addict), but there will be a point where he will be haunted. Try to be thankful that you at least loved deeply enough to grieve. He doesn't. You grieve deeply because you loved deeply. I seriously doubt that my ex feels very much. Your ex may be the same way. They put on a good show in the beginning, but in the end, they reveal themselves for who they truly are. Give yourself time to adjust to the changes that shock and betrayal bring. Right now I think it's normal to feel as though you can never trust again. But use this time to work on you, and don't focus on him. For me, I see that I gave too much, and I ignored warning signs in the beginning.-- e.g. (flirtatious, arrogant, tendency to rebound, blaming the ex for his probs., never taking accountability, hating his mother, etc.)..He was a taker, I was a giver. I'm learning to identify my dysfunctions, and also to pay attention to what I sense in others, rather than offerring myself the excuse of DENIAL in the name of LOVE.

I was afraid to be alone, and also felt that he was the best that I could do. These are examples of my life, but really think about what YOU want for you. Can you really say that you would want a man who could betray you in this way? I wouldn't put money on your ex's rebound relationship. Eventually it will end. I'm starting to not care what my ex does, because I see a pattern with him. It's not the new person,...it's the falling in love with love, and the high that infatuation brings. He'll be engaged in a few weeks, if he isn't already. ANd he'll eventually crack when she starts putting pressure on him to make good on that committment. All his baggage is STILL THERE. DON'T think for a minute he will do anything differently. If they can't take the time for introspection and find happiness within themselves, if they need the crutch of a new relationship to dull the pain of the old, if they need someone to validate their ego and self-esteem, if they can't be alone with themselves for any length of time, and run from relationship to relationship,...they won't take the time to figure out where the problems with themselves stem from. It's just easier for them to blame you for all their problems. They will repeat the patterns, because we tend to take the path of least resistance. A new relationship is easier for him, because it is a clean slate. Unfortunately, when this new relationship starts to have problems, he will use all the old excuses and invent more as to why he needs to bail. Baggage is baggage, and most people don't throw out their suitcases unless they have gone thru them to see what is in them. He'll keep his baggage. He can't be bothered to check what's in there, even though it's rotting and the stench can be detected from the carnage of hurt and devastation that he has left packed inside. He's used to the smell...it doesn't bother him ! It has helped me to acknowledge that whoever he is with now, ..he is now HER problem... HE WILL DUPE HER AS WELL, convince her that he is the most wonderful man on earth, and if she knew about me, and chose to be with him anyway, then she deserves what she gets !! If I was worth so little to him, then good riddance !! He has NO RESPECT for anyone but HIMSELF, and his selfishness is extreme. He'll eventually become bored with her as well, as he has with all his past relationships. Look at your ex's patterns. THe way he treated you is the way he will treat HER. (both good and bad..)..and EVENTUALLY, the bad nature always rules matters of the heart for people like this..... take some comfort, my friend. Read materials offerred here. Take time for you. Let yourself feel the anger of betrayal, and do what you need to grieve in your time. You are so much better off that you aren't jumping into something right away before you are ready. Let him make his bed with her. In the end, when you meet someone wonderful, who treasures you, and you have something built on solid reasons to begin a relationship (instead of ego, low self-esteem, fear of being alone, superficiality, rebound, etc.)... while he will be hopping from one used, tired relationship to the next, tossing aside women like a spoiled child who has grown bored with his toys. Learn about you now, let him go. He'll find a way to screw it up,.. rest assured. "

Top Ten Breakup Songs (Brought to you courtesy of: Breakup-Songs.com)

1. Even Now - Barry Manilow
2. One Last Cry - Brian McKnight
3. Ex-Factor - Lauryn Hill
4. Ex-Girlfriend - No Doubt
5. Don't Speak - No Doubt
6. You Were Mine - Dixie Chicks
7. Let Me Let Go - Faith Hill
8. Still - Brian McKnight
9. I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
10. I Would've Loved You Anyway - Trisha Yearwood

Top Five Breakup Books

1. How to Get Over a Breakup
2. How to STOP a Breakup and Win Your Ex Back
3. And the Frog Shit on the Princess (for women only!)
4. Exes are from Uranus (for men only!)
5. Save Your Marriage

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